Tired of Thinking About Drinking

Archive for the tag “100 days sober”

do you show up with a straw or a shovel?

lushtreat

Thanks to the Tiny Gift Button

Used some tiny gift money to get myself some smell treats yesterday. Now i can’t stop sniffing my hair.

Unfortunately, though, I’ve fallen into the habit of receiving tiny gift money, I say ‘thanks”, and then I put the email into a folder called: “Donations Not Yet Spent.” Yes, sometimes I buy flowers, or fruit. But there are emails in this unspent folder dating back to January of this year…

It’s like I’m collecting the good will of the gifts, but not actually benefiting from them. It’s like I’m watching the balance go up, but am reluctant to spend it.

I’m the same way with furnishing this new (still empty) apartment. and it’s becoming distressing actually. Because I know what it is.

It’s an attitude of scarcity.

I have a thinking process where I feel that if i spend the gift money, then it’ll be gone, and then I will have an empty folder. Really? Is it better to see a folder of thanks than to benefit from the thanks? Is it better to collect instead of having experiences? That’s like watching your bank balance go up just for the fun of watching numbers, but for no actual gain or benefit or motive other than simply to watch the numbers…

And today i’ve just realized that I know this thing about scarcity already. And i know how to overcome it. I just recorded a Sober Rescue Audio about this idea of scarcity thinking. I was talking about it in the context of sober support … how we show up at the milkshake of sober support with only a straw, and we insist on taking tiny sips. We know that support is available to help us get/be/stay/enjoy being sober, and we don’t reach for it. Or we reach for it tiny little sips.

Instead, really, we should show up at the milkshake of support with a shovel. Take a bunch of support (i mean, it’s there for the taking). get ourselves solidly sober, and then ease up on the quantity of support later.

Here’s a clip from Rescue Audio #4:

And you know it makes sense to me when i say it in the context of sober support.

But when it comes to me looking at my paypal balance, I guess i still have some scarcity stuff going on.

I’ll keep thinking. i’m going to make a plan to spend the money in the folder. maybe i’ll buy the pink chair.

and i’m going to keep smelling my hair.

anonymous confession booth: things we can’t control

step right up. for one day only, i’m creating an anonymous sober confession booth on the subject of “things we can’t control”.

I want to focus on things we need to let go of. Like crazy in-laws, compulsive behaviours, and those people you are forced to visit where you’re afraid to eat in their homes because you’re not sure if you’ll get food poisoning or not. “I just scraped off the mould, they say.”

This came to me because of a one-on-one call i had with S. this morning (thanks!). We’re all carrying around this backpack of rocks of things we just need to let go of.

i personally hate dwelling in the past — unnecessarily. Yes, sometimes we have to excavate. But i don’t want to wallow. And there’s a very fine line between the two. And then there’s the shame. and the guilt. yeah.

So here’s the deal.

1. Post a comment below.

2. For this to work you MUST leave your name and your email and your website address BLANK in the comments form (if you forget, i’ll go in and delete that info manually). all comments are to be anonymous. one of the comments will be from me, you just won’t know which one.

3. I have no way of personally knowing who posts what. Promise.

4. In your comment, write two or three sentences (max.) about something that you’d like to stop in your life, some weight you’ve been carrying around, that being sober is going to help you let go of. For example, i’ll make one up: “I’d like to step out of the way of my crazy MIL and just recognize that she’s a flawed human and it’s my job to remove myself from her reach.” OR “I have been a compulsive laundry freak, the clothes I wore today must be clean and folded every night when I go to bed. Now that i’m sober I’m going to let that go. I don’t need to be in control of my laundry anymore. I’m going to let it go.”

5. Then take a second and post an anonymous ‘reply’ to ONE of the other comments already posted, and say something comforting, consoling, forgiving, kind.

i have a feeling that this will unfold in a lovely way. because you’re all lovely people. and we all have a backpack of rocks that we’d like to put down, right? What’s in your backpack?

PS. if your name/email automatically shows up when you start to enter a comment, you can manually delete them OR you can ‘log out’ of your blogging profile.

Audio: Ellie Schoenberger (part 4)

Finally, i’ve edited and completed part 4 of my interview with Ellie Schoenberger for my weekly sober podcast thingy.

We talk about what’s happening to her marriage now, post-relapse. She speaks quite candidly what it’s like to navigate this next part of her life just taking care of herself.

Here’s a 2 minute extract from part 4.

Please leave a comment below after you listen to the extract and I’ll pick one comment to be my sober rockstar favourite comment of the day :)

Click the blue button to listen:

listen2click here to try a podcast subscription (1 month trial) – and of course, when you get bored of me, you can cancel whenever you want

 

Sunday flowers

a small selection of my sunday flowers thanks to the tiny gift button. you rock. really.

Thanks to the Tiny Gift Button

Audio: Ellie Schoenberger (part 3)

I’ve just uploaded part 3 of my extended conversation with Ellie Schoenberger for my weekly sober podcast thingy. and holy Part 3 is 20 minutes long :)

I ask some difficult questions in part 3 of our conversation:

“What’s it like to relapse when you’re the ‘public face’ of sobriety?”

“Was there a time in your childhood where it wasn’t safe for you to be you”

And then I ask about her marriage.

If you click the big blue button, you can hear an extract from part 3. Ellie is talking about what happened when she relapsed and had to tell everyone. Her wolfie voice told her it would be terrible, and instead she says “what I got was a stack of mail that was a foot high…”

The best quotable moment is when Ellie says:

“All of my OK-ness came from whether or not YOU thought I was OK.”

Please leave a comment below after you listen to the extract and I’ll pick one comment to be my sober rockstar favourite comment of the day :)

 

Click the blue button to listen:

listen2click here to try a podcast subscription (1 month trial) – and of course, when you get bored of me, you can cancel whenever you want

 

Audio: Ellie Schoenberger (part 2)

well this is fascinating. I’ve just listened to part 2 of my interview with Ellie Shoenberger for my weekly sober podcast thingy.

we talked for over an hour, and in this second chunk she covers some really interesting stuff … like she describes her previous sobriety as being like a castle built on a swamp. And did you know that you could go into an inpatient, 30 day rehab facility, and NOT have any counselling?

Since the entire conversation runs long, I’ve divided it up into pieces. Click the blue button to listen to an extract from part 2. In this little piece, you’ll hear us getting pretty animated as we talk about when is a good time to excavate your past when you’re sober.

Please leave a comment below after you listen to the extract and I’ll pick one comment to be my sober rockstar favourite comment of the day :)

Click the blue button to listen:

listen2click here to try a podcast subscription (1 month trial) – and of course, when you get bored of me, you can cancel whenever you want

 

Audio: Ellie Schoenberger (part 1)

I am SO excited to share this with you. I just got off the phone with Ellie Shoenberger. yes, it’s true. I interviewed her for my weekly sober podcast thingy.

you know Ellie, right? She’s big in the sobriety world. She’s one of the founders of The Bubble Hour and the website Crying Out Now. She’s recently had a relapse and has joined me today to talk about her life now that she’s 7.5 months sober (hooray).

Oh my god, we talk about everything … rehab, medication, ego, anonymity, feeling unworthy and even Oprah gets mentioned once or twice over the course of the hour.

Since the entire conversation runs long, I’ve divided it up into pieces. Here’s an extract from part 1, it’s 3 minutes long.

Please leave a comment after you listen to the extract … so that i know you’re out there.

Click below to listen:

listen2click here to try a podcast subscription (1 month trial) – and of course, when you get bored of me, you can cancel whenever you want

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PS.

Are you the type to feel rebellious, and say “Why can’t I drink? Other people can drink. I feel so pissed off that I have to give up drinking. I should be ALLOWED…”

Is that you?  (yeah, me too!)

Well, the pouting, the “why can’t I drink,” comes from focusing on not being ABLE to.
But when you flip it on its head, and you turn it into a decision, then you get to say:

“I don’t drink because it’s not good for me.
I don’t do cocaine either.
There’s a whole list of things I don’t ingest
just because other people do.
I do what’s best for me.
I also don’t drive without a seat belt
and I don’t walk in dog shit.
I am taking care of me.”

[Team 100 has 1720 people in it. You can join now -- no matter what day of sobriety you're on.]

What, you want more?

How about this:

Allie (day 38):This is the longest I’ve been sober in awhile … in the last 3 weeks, I managed a 2 week sober vacation, ran a 5K, avoided numerous drunk fights with fiancé, didn’t embarrass myself once, felt proud of myself, had hope and lots more stuff I can’t think of right now … I’m planning a trip for the end of October with all of my savings!

You can sign up for the 100 challenge here.

Audio: Bash Wolfie on the Head (part 3)

I have an audio clip to share this afternoon :)

A couple of weeks ago I recorded a live call about support and the different ways we can get it. Why we resist. How to identify wolfie. The whole call lasted over an hour, and I’ve been sharing it with weekly podcast subscribers.

And here for you now is a 2.75 minute extract from Part 3 of the group call. I talk about how we read all of the sober books while we’re still drinking, but we don’t implement any of the strategies …

Please leave a comment after you listen to the extract … so that i know you’re out there.

Click below to listen:

listen2click here to try a podcast subscription (1 month trial) – and of course, when you get bored of me, you can cancel whenever you want

NOTE: If you are a podcast subscriber, you can access all 4 parts of the group call at once. Perfect for binge-listening :)

Audio: Bash Wolfie on the Head (part 2)

Thought I’d share an audio clip with you today.

A couple of weeks ago I recorded a live call about support and the different ways we can get it. Why we resist. How to identify wolfie. The whole call lasted over an hour, and I’ve been sharing it with weekly podcast subscribers.

And here for you now is a 2.25 minute extract from the second part of the group call. It talks about support – how we like to get by with less than we need. I compare being sober to training for a marathon.

Please leave a comment after you listen to the extract … so that i know you’re out there.

Click below to listen:

listen2click here to try a podcast subscription (1 month trial) – and of course, when you get bored of me, you can cancel whenever you want

NOTE: If you are a podcast subscriber, you can access all 4 parts of the group call at once. Perfect for binge-listening :)

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